FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
