I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
