I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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