Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
