I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
