And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
