Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
