there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
