I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
