OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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