I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
