This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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