I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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