Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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