I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
apparently the secret to your success is patron
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
