I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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