This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
