I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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