You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
