It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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