when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
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