I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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