i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
