Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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