why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
