I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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