What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
