New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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