Are we in a gay sports bar?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize