I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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