Where did you get a picture of my penis
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i came on her dog
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
