Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You are the jesus of drinking
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
