I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
