i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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