he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
