Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
