I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
