I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
