is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize