how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
