i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
