I just saw a hot homeless man
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
