I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
