I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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