guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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