on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
