we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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