then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
