Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
