A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
