Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
