Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
