i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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