Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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