I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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