We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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