Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
