I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
