he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
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