if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
