lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
