i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
