i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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