I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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