Ambien. No doubt about it.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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