sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
