Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
