yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize