I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
