In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
