All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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