the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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