I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
