They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
