I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
