Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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