is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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