You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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