I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
