Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
