its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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