Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
