Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
