i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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